Tate vs. The Church of Later-Day Saints

You know those moments when you're trying to help your wife out the door for her Girls' Night Out while at the same time trying to keep your impatiently hungry two-year old from knawing on the floorboards?

Well, add to that your friendly neighborhood Missionary-Mormon-On-A-Bicycle standing at your front door!


Umph! I've got nothing against these guys - honestly, I actually admire the way they proactively speak about their faith and practice evangelism. I just wish they wouldn't proactively speak and evangelize when I'm having one of those moments.

Then again, I'm the knucklehead who answered the door!

Ding-dong!

Me: [failed smile] . . . Hi . . .

(The first thing I noticed was that he looked like he was about to have a heat stroke - but what else should you expect when you wear a tie and black pants when it's four thousand degrees outside!)

Mr. Mormon: Hi, my name is [can't remember] and I'm spending time in your neighborhood asking folks like you what you think about your salvation.

Me: . . . . uh . . . . .

(Why am I always at a loss of words when I'm put on the spot like this?!?!?!)

[Enter Tate from Stage Right. He obviously assumed he was allowed to use his outside voice simply because the front door was open. It was all I could do to keep Tate from bolting out the open door and taking off down the street.]

Tate: I KICK THE SOCCER BALL!!!

Mr. Mormon: . . . . uh . . . . .

(I love watching 20-year olds struggle to hold a conversation with my 2-year old!)

Mr. Mormon: . . . . um, as I was saying, have you considered a relationship with Jesus Christ?

(Dang! This guy is good!)

Me: [I go into a 2-minute rambling explanation about he need not worry because we were Christians. I somehow ended with the hardly-convincing phrase, "So, we're all good!" Yeah, that'll convince him!]

Tate: I WAKE UP!!!

(Apparently Tate wanted to address any confusion as to his status following his afternoon nap.)

Mr. Mormon: [failed smile] . . . I can see that!

(Apparently the Church of Latter Day Saints failed to prepare him on what to do when a 2-year old keeps interrupting his Come-to-Jesus Moment!)

Mr. Mormon: So, how has your relationship with Christ played a role in your family?

Me: C'mon, man! (Yeah, I actually said "C'mon, man!") My wife and I are following God's plan in our marriage and in our family. I apprecaite that you've stopped by - have a nice day!

Tate: I GO TO THE NEW HOUSE!!!

[And with that, Mr. Mormon was thoroughly confused!]

From now on, I think I'm just going to let Tate handle all the conversations about my salvation.

Bring on the Hira Krishnas!!

My "Little" Distraction

My previous post outlined the insanity that has been our lives - which explains my abscence from the blog world for the past few weeks.

But what it doesn't explain is why I've been on the blog DL over the course of this whole year. I would need this to explain that!

Back in January, I shared my decision to leave the "security" of Corporate America to join my Dad's clinical research company and assume his role as President. Needless to say, this new job has been a little distracting for the past 6 months . . . it has taken all of my time, energy and creativity - as one would expect!

I really love my new gig. But at first it had me feeling like my head was spinning three ways AND that I was drinking water from a fire hydrant. 6 months later, I now tell people I feel that I am only drinking water from a fire hyrdant!

But in the course of the first 6 months I have restructured the company into an LLC, rebranded the company with a new name and a new logo, and helped create a new company website.

I say "helped" because I couldn't have built our new website without the Jedi Knight skills of The Marketing Twins (website design), Reliable Studios (website construction) and Paige Pearson Photography (website photos).

(Paige has "Princess Leia" skills!)

I was excited that I could use friends who were experts in these fields - I knew I was in good hands with them! If you're considering a website of your own, I'd highly recommend these folks to help!

As I continue to get a handle on things I will be able to renew my focus and energy for my blog. Until then, it may just be 3 or 4 posts a month - unless something ticks me off something fierce and sturs up the "grumpy old man" in me!

In which case, you may all be wishing I would just hush up and go back to work!

A Father's Day Tate-ism

"Happy Mother's Day, Daddy!"

(Uh . . . thanks Buddy Boy!)

Which Way Is Up????

I know it is VERY uncharacteristic of me to go so long without updating my blog. But I do have just a few excuses . . .

1. Me, Kelly, Tate and the rest of Clan Enright took a much needed vacation to Gulf Shores a month ago.



2. During said-getaway, we received 2 offers on our house!

3. After promptly accepting one of the offers, we promptly began house hunting so that we could promptly move into a house (and not an apartment) when we closed on our house 3 weeks later.

4. Somehow we found a house and made an offer.

5. We spent the following week haggling back and forth with the sellers.

6. As soon as we came to an agreement with the sellers of our new house, the buyers of our house had to back out.

7. We then experienced 30 minutes of panic!

8. Panic was short-lived because Debbie, our Wonder Woman Realtor, lined up another buyer!

9. We were then able to return to only a heightened level of stress as we hurried to pack up our house before June 14th.

10. On Wednesday of last week, I received a call from the mortgage company with "concerns about my employment." It appeared to them as though I didn't have a "real job" because I was running the family business.

(So my two most recent pay stubs don't mean anything???)

11. Panic ensued as I tried to convince the mortgage company that I was gainfully employed in time for our Friday closing.

(I eventually appeased them with a letter from both my CEO ~ Dad ~ and my CPA.)

12. Wednesday night arrived with one of those typical North Texas thunderstorms that promptly took out 5 panels of our backyard fence and plucked my favorite backyard Live Oak right out of the ground.

13. The storm also took out the electricity at the office . . . NOT GOOD seeing how we have drug and specimens that must remain below certain temperatures!

14. Thursday morning I: (1) purchased one of the last power generators at Home Depot, (2) scrambled to find a contractor who could repair our fence and plant a new tree and (3) continued boxing up the house for Friday's closing.

15. Thursday night: With the power generator sitting on our office back porch and 8 extension cords running through the backdoor, we hired a high school grad to watch the building overnight. He showed up with a 9mm holstered on his hip . . . . I'm not kidding!

(Isn't there a law against 19-year olds packing heat?????)

16. Early Friday morning: I returned to the office at 6:45 AM grateful to find the power generator still running and that nobody had been shot!

17. Later Friday morning I had to convince our buyers that even though I promised to make repairs, they would have to close on a house with storm damage!

(Scout's honor!)

18. Late Friday afternoon: We closed . . . . whew!!!


19. On Saturday we packed and packed and packed and packed.

20. Then we packed some more!!

21. The movers showed up at 9:00 AM on Sunday.

22. By 10:30 AM, one of the movers collapsed in my front lawn and promptly went into diabetic shock!!!

(No joking here folks!)

23. At 10:31 AM, I called 911!

24. Paramedics and Fire Station showed up and took Mr. "I must have forgotten to take my insulin this morning" to the hospital! His levels were 550 - he hadn't taken his insulin in nearly a week!

(Uh, I hate to seem insensitive, but . . . um, I'm only going to be charged for 4 movers now instead of 5, right?)

25. We kicked it into high gear because our contract said that we had to vacate the house by 5:00 PM.

26. At 4:00 PM, the movers told me that even though the truck was completely packed and ready to go, they couldn't leave be they had accidentally locked their keys in the cargo bay of their truck!!

(When the mover asked me if I had any bolt cutters I actually had to explain to him that ALL OF MY POSSESSIONS were in the same cargo bay his keys were locked in . . . genius!!)

28. 40 minutes later, thanks to a neighbor's sledgehammer, the keys were retrieved.

29. At 4:58 PM, I got in my car and pulled away from my old house for the last time.

(Sniff, sniff! Keep it together, Wade!)

30. And ever since Sunday evening, Kelly and I have been unpacking, unpacking and unpacking.

So, needless to say, things have been so busy around here that I don't even know which why is up! It's been a little crazy!

(See also stressful, exasperating, tense, trying, upsetting, aggravating, anxious, nerve-racking, distraught, frantic, weary, exhausted, wiped out, uptight and just a little on edge.)

PS: The mover was admitted to the hospital and should make a full recovery provided he takes his medicine like he's supposed to!

"So What Do You Do?"

It's official . . . I can't stand that question any more.

Let me take a moment to tell you why . . .

(Oh, boy! Here he goes again!)

The majority of time, people use that question not so they can learn something new and interesting about another person . . . but instead, people use it so they can know how they should compare themselves to another person.

Case in point: I recently found myself in one of those awkwardly cordial conversations you have with another parent while your two kids clammer over each other at the neighborhood park.

Within the first 30 seconds of said conversation, this other guy throws out, "So what do you do?" And he said it with such a tone that I didn't want to answer him. Because regardless of my job, I knew he would slap some label on my forehead as soon as I told him what I did for a living.

"I make more than him." "He makes more than me." "I'm more important than him." "He's more important than me."

Of all the questions you can ask another guy at the park - How old is your son? What's your son's name? Is he your only child? - the first thing this guy wants to know about me is what I do for a living.

And it's almost insulting to ask someone that question after just meeting them because you're making the assumption that they use their job to define what kind of person they are.

The fact is, maybe only 2% of people have that perfect job that perfectly describes the kind of person they are. While the rest of us may very well have good jobs, we don't define ourselves primarily by what we do for a living - at least, we're not supposed to!

And there are such better questions to ask when you meet someone for the first time - What do you do when you're not working? Where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? Even just the socially awkward phrase, "So . . . uh . . . crazy weather lately, huh?" is a better conversation starter than "What do you do?"

All that being said, I hereby delete that question from my vernacular - I promise never to ask someone what they do for a living.

If it comes up in causal conversation, great! If they want to tell me what they do from 9-5 Monday through Friday, great! But I will never ask the question, "What do you do?" Instead, I'll just have to get creative and find another (and better!) question to ask.

Becasue of all the first impressions I could give someone, the last one I want to give is one of me trying to figure out how I should compare myself to them.

And if anyone should ever ask me what I do for a living, I think I'll answer by saying in all seriousness, "I'm the President of the United States."

. . . . . . . . . . . (awkward silence) . . . . . . . . . .

So . . . . . uh . . . . . crazy weather lately, huh?

__________________________________________________

PS: Other questions that have met my disapproving glare are:

"Ya' know?"

"Huh?" - Also pronouced as "Whaaaaaa?"

"How ya' been?" - Because no one ever really wants to know how you have been.

"Would you like french fries or apple pie with that?" - If I wanted french fries or apple pie, I would have ordered it!

I Actually Learned Something New While Waiting On Hold!

Waiting on hold is very difficult for me not because I'm impatient (hurry up and get to your point!), but rather because the Yanni rip-off, brain wash music being streamed into my ear usually has me poking myself in the eyes within 30 seconds.

(Yeah, well . . . you have issues, too!)

But I was pleasantly surprised this week while waiting on hold with Hawk Electronics when the "message on hold" was feeding me completely useless but entirely interesting tidbits of information.

I love this kind of info because it's the stuff that you use to amaze your friends with your "wiki-brain" when playing some random trivia game.


For instance, Bluetooth technology (the universal digital language for wireless devices) is named after King Harald "Bluetooth" of Denmark (born 935). King Blue-y is known for uniting Denmark, Norway and Sweden and imposing an universal language in his kingdom.

No kidding? Huh, I did not know that! And who was the clever chap who thought of lending his name to the universal digital language?

I dunno - maybe I'll call Hawk Electronics next week and asked to be placed on hold to learn that little nugget.

But how refreshing it is to come across a company that is brining innovation to its customers even when they're sitting on hold!

Hey American Airlines! Wake up and pay attention!

Cool Thumb Luke

Not many people can pull off "cool" while sucking their thumb!